I’m a rock. I have 2 kids and a wife and I own a house so now I have to keep everything as it is. Watch as I turn everything into unmovable rock. My kids will pick up my legacy where I left it, making bad design decisions on the fly. Don’t change anything, just become another rock in my foundation.
Hi I’m water. You can’t get rid of me and I can take any form. I break rocks apart over time. Fuck you.
It’s time to impress both the client and your team with your knowledge of fresh, local restaurants such as The Olive Garden.
Nothing is too good or familiar for these clients since they are traveling from Minneapolis.
Prior to your meeting, be sure to send around an email survey asking if there are any dietary concerns or special needs.
Expect one creative person from your team to be a vegetarian or vegan and someone from the client side to have food allergies that involve shellfish or wheat.
Be sure to pick up the bill, save and submit the receipt to accounts.
They will be sure to mark it up 50% and bill it back to the client.
Those breadsticks are like money.
We’re almost there folks. The recession is almost over and clients are spending money again and so should your employer. How can you be sure that it’s over? Our simple guide will help you see clearly:
1. Your Human Resources department has grown by 28% during the recession while other groups suffered from attrition. The 6 or 7 recruiters have been secretly guiding your company to financial success.
2. Colorful stickies are all around you. The office manager has splurged on tri-colored sticky notes. You can finally be effective again.
3. An office-wide switch back to Peet’s coffee has everyone feeling good and caffeinated.
overall, it’s a win win situation for the company.
don’t expect a bonus or raise for 2 years.
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Please refrain from using the telephone for personal use unless it is deemed a family emergency. We ask that you refrain from making long distance calls and use our internal 4-digit dialing system to reach coworkers in other cities. Personal emails and phone calls can be made before work, during lunch hours or after business hours. These activities should not take place on corporate computers and telephones.
In addition, please do not plug-in and manage your ipods or other personal media devices into company computers. We are not responsible for personal property damage, the management and distribution of illegal files or storing media files on company hard drives.
Remember, we are watching you.
Designers have to stay creative, it’s a sad fact of life. Burning Man is the perfect place to recharge safely away from daily grind. At Burning Man, you’ll spend a week in the desert taking drugs and looking at art made by the unpaid side of the creative community and stealing their ideas. In addition to this art community mingle, the ticket price of 300+ dollars keeps the riff raff out and the drug quality high.
420 bro.
Oftentimes you cannot rely on relevant, young designers to be cool for you, you have to go one step further and take it to school. Teaching allows you to remain socially dominant, gain resume padding while still sucking the lifeforce from designers who are younger than you.
Teaching is fun!
jakob nielsen, bill mogridge, clay shirky, IxDA, IDSA, RISD
boom
in order to design properly, you have to believe in the concept by living it.
Get as low as possible.
1) Simply squat, kneel, sit, lay on the ground. Anything to get lower than the person you are asking something of.
This makes them feel in control even though they arn’t.
2) Also try using a baby voice or touching them. If you’re a woman, use “the look”.
3) get your way.
The Kool-Aid is what you drink in order to close down your perception that everything is fucked. In order to get anything done you have to focus on the task at hand and Kool-Aid helps you put out of your mind that this project is futile anyway.
Mixing Kool-Aid destroys the effects of both drinks and voids your effectiveness completely. It is kind of like in a movie where a robot gets stuck in an infinite logic loop and its head starts to smoke. That’s what will happen if you mix kool-aid.